the garden

I watched as a woman held the hand of a crippled man, her husband, and I began to think of the purity and simplicity of love. 
When was it corrupted?  Why do we allow so much of the world to crowd in and influence it? 
We are eternal wanderers in a world that is fading away, pulsing to life and then degrading bit by bit.  We are redeemed people, meant to settle in a temporary promised land and told not to let it change us as are meant to change it.  To be able to love someone is a gift; without preference, prejudice and most of all, without selfishness.  Despite potential outcomes, it shouldn’t be biased.  Despite brokenness of its subject, it shouldn’t be lessened.  Despite circumstances, it shouldn’t be adjusted or withheld.  It should be promoted constantly, willing to outlive and outlast anything that comes its way.  It shouldn’t be circumstantial because, if we let it, it will change others despite what they do in response to it.  Its subject is not the self, but another.  Its example is Christ, who died at the hands of sinners in order to save them.  No matter what the outcome, it doesn’t cling to expectations that have their foundation on Earth, but waits in eager anticipation for the glory of its subject as one day they will be presented pure to Christ.  Now we only know love in part, but it is still the greatest quality we can bear.  The part we know needs to encouraged; when expressed and felt correctly, it shapes us and others. It wipes away, sometimes like fire and sometimes like water, the qualities in us that are selfish.  It shapes us and others to become more like Him.  Don’t allow it to be crowded out and corrupted; or, if you do (when I do), stop calling it love because it has become crowded out so much as to become almost unrecognizable.
Where did it become corrupted?  Who listened to the voice that told us we could be in control?  Who knew that maybe love wasn’t about having answers, but about being one.

Not Home Yet

“And so Jesus also suffered outside the city gate to make the people holy through his own blood.  Let us, then, go to Him outside the camp, bearing the disgrace He bore.  For here we do not have an enduring city, but we are looking for a city that is to come.” -Heb 13:12-14

“Go outside the city gate, we are as fallen stars/who fancy ourselves eagles at best, ashamed of who we are/Preference catered to fit the mold of worldly wealth and fame/Decisions based on circumstance, tradition, rules and blame//Seek to hope on the One who came and rose again for us/Seek to run the race that defies our pride, our hate, our lust/When you stumble or fall, don’t give up, for you are not alone/Light from above is shining on you and through Christ will guide you home.”

It seems that so much of what we do is geared towards planning for the future of this life, for planning out ways to make ourselves feel more comfortable.  I know I, at times, have felt a deep need to work towards having a house and making more than enough money to provide for myself and a potential future family, accompanied by a feeling that I ought to help others out of that (“when I make enough” of course).  It is more than just provision I seek, though; it is comfort.  It is establishing a place in which I call my own, a place that distracts from the fact that this isn’t home.  So I seek to establish myself through work and money, through acceptance from others— and this is considered the norm.  What happens when that house falls?  What becomes of the life I’ve built when any number of things happen that take away from it; when God is literally all I have left?  Suddenly I will realize that what was once considered a means to an end has become an end in itself.  The things I did and said in order to gain comfort have become who I am.  “When I fed them, they were satisfied; when they were satisfied, they became proud; then they forgot me.” (Hosea 13:6) 

The things we seek end up becoming ends in and of themselves.  At best, the life we seek to establish should act as reflections of what is to come; reminders that we will have a settlement, so to speak, in the land we belong in.  These things aren’t always bad (they can be blessings), but what we often aspire to become ultimate things and are not going to fulfill the needs and wants we deeply long for.  “…It was not in them, it only came through them, and what came through them was longing [...] For they are not the thing itself, they are only the scent of a flower we have not found, the echo of a tune we have not heard, news from a country we have never yet visited.” (CS Lewis The Weight of Glory).  Way off in the distance, there is a barely discernable outline of a city we belong to; of a mountain we have yet to touch.  There is a city hosting “thousands upon thousands of angels in joyful assembly.”  Here we will “come to God, the judge of all men, to the spirits of righteous men made perfect, to Jesus the mediator of a new covenant, and to the sprinkled blood that speaks a better word than the blood of Abel.” (Hebrews 12:22-24)  This entire earth is a mission field, this life a journey home.  No matter what we feel, God’s grace is poured upon us daily and is what strengthens us for the treacherous path as He keeps our feet from being snared.  Press on, move forward and remember through good and bad to be content with what you have; for the only thing that lasts, in the end, is you.

Not to say that I’ve grasped this concept myself; these are just thoughts.  Thoughts I want to live by. 

If you want to find me, I’ll be shouting this from the CSU Fresno lawn with a giant carboard sign and a loudspeaker.   Just kidding.

Sanctification

I am jealous for you with a godly jealousy. I promised you to one husband, to Christ, so that I might present you as a pure virgin to him. But I am afraid that just as Eve was deceived by the serpent’s cunning, your minds may somehow be led astray from your sincere and pure devotion to Christ. -2 cor 11

We proclaim him, admonishing and teaching everyone with all wisdom, so that we may present everyone perfect in Christ. To this end I labor, struggling with all his energy, which so powerfully works in me. -Col 1

The idea of presenting our lives and others pure to Christ requires exposing and understanding anything that takes away from this— these could be called our idols.  The things we think of as “sins” promote finding affirmation in success, power, money, others, etc., thus distracting from an uninhibited view of God.  We must re-orient, remember, believe deeper and increase faith; and in order to do that, we must fix our eyes on Christ, the author and perfector of our faith, and promote that fixation in others; trusting Him all the while to open our hearts and lead us on paths that will draw us nearer to Himself.   We must set our hearts and minds on things above rather than earthly things (Col 3:1-3).  We must remove the idols that act as mirrors and cause us to become what we think we need to be, and tell us we must own what we think we need to own to be accepted.  Help open peoples’ eyes to what they were made for and what the longing in their hearts points to.  All longing is a shadow that cannot be fulfilled by sex (longing for oneness), money (longing for security), success (being a part of an “inner circle”, to be unique) and even family (unconditional love and fellowship).  These things, when used properly, represent great things but outside of Christ, their proper meaning is distorted and they are useless in fulfilling who we are.  They should, in proper context, point up and be means of worshipping our heart’s true desire—God. 

Imagine, by the way, that you could be jealous with a Godly jealousy that longs for people to be Christ’s alone.  Imagine if those feelings of wanting someone to be yours alone were diverted and you wholly wanted others to belong to Christ alone rather than the things that make them lose hope when they attain them and realize they are empty.  This is the jealousy Paul is speaking of in 2 Cor 11.

The Church

“Be shepherds of the church of God, which He bought with His own blood.” Acts 20:28

“And let us spur one another on towards love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are n the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.” Heb 10:24-25

Sermon through Rap: LeCrae’s The Bride lyrics:

She’s a building of beings being constructed,
Christ is the cornerstone, foundation build on another and you’s a goner holmes.
She’ built on em, supported by him, conformed to him, now she’s a body of bodies who transform through him.  A temple that breathes; we are the halls,
we are the floor board, or more, we are the walls.
Manifold wisdom of God no longer a mystery.
The church pinnacle of our salvific history
One flesh union, the Tri-union, is glorified through our corporatized communion.
Still the present reality is that she was born a casualty, though she’s made alive
she’s still affected by depravity.
Once lived in sin and enslaved by her lust,
folks catch her slippin and they turn away disgusted.
She’s a work in progress but Christ is the head of her,
and He washes her clean with the words that he said to her.
She’s already pretty but she’s really not dressed and sometimes she look silly but she’s far from a mess.
Yes, please so don’t be dissin cause Jesus done paid a grip.
And if you didn’t then should, call her her Misses— I’m talking bout the church

Yeah she may look gritty,
But when her man come back she gone look so pretty – She the Church
You might see her acting crazy, be patient with her though, cause she still God’s baby – She the Church
Before you dis her get to know her, Jesus got a thing for her and He died just to show her – She the Church
She ain’t bricks and buildings, she’s all of God’s people: Men, women and children – We the church

Her name is ecclesia meaning the assembly,
Bows to the Trinity, No other Divinity.
A body, family and community— she is all one, but on earth you see her in congregational small ones.  A microcosm or a small scale example, but it is the church even though its just a sample: invisible, spiritual, physical, visible, not a brick temple (never that simple).  This a not a building and she is not bricks; she’s a world changer, but ain’t bout getting rich.  Perpetrating fakes cause a lot of folks to hate, plus her hands get dirty and her feet get scraped.  Sometimes her body parts start acting out of place, legs trying to be arms, arms thinking they the face.  But she’ll never be replaced with a one man band or a small Taliban with no body in command.

Some don’t get it so they hate; they say she’s on a paper chase, they say she’s really fake.
So they go start a ministry so they can do the work, but they don’t understand how Jesus feel about His church.  And yeah they make disciples and got plenty conversions; they take care of the widows and the orphans they be workin.  But none of them are churchin’, no church structure; no elders and no discipline, they have no conductor. And so they don’t submit, but quite a few of them get baptized.  People how I pray that you’d look at this thing from God’s eyes and take responsibility inside the whole council— not just the area where you might have a mouthful.  Who should folks submit to?  Who will conduct the discipline?  If excommunicated what body will they be missing then?  Look at Ephesians 4 where Paul gets practical, 1st timothy and Titus if you thinking I’m irrational.

Lead of Love

I’m learning that it’s in times of difficulty that God wants me to seek Him most.  I mean the times when I feel nothing, where everything I do feels pointless.  The times when everything I seem to believe and think about gets in the way of God and seems to come to no end.  The times when despite what I know, my feelings drag me down into a smaller, weaker perspective that causes me to question my view of Truth.  It is these times that I must proclaim the promises of God.  It is these times that I must cry out to what can feel like empty space, “God, you are still God!  God, you have a purpose for me!”  It is not the next wave of felt Truth that I must live on, seeking the next spiritual high or the next enlightened lesson.  It is parched and starved in the middle of a desert when I must seek Him relentlessly despite my surroundings.  The more I seek Him while despairing about anything, the more He can bring peace to a situation that even at its worst, is honest.  It is through these weaknesses that He can truly be seen for the perfect God He is.  It is in this forced lack of reliance on self that we begin to understand what it means to rely on a sovereign God.  Though our flesh and hearts may fail, He is the strength of our hearts and our portion forever.  Though we are struck down , we are not destroyed!  Though we are perplexed and often do not know where we are going in this temporary life, we are not in despair.  “Let the bones you have broken rejoice!”  “May you become greater, and I become less!”  “Thy will be done!” Do we ask, Father, will you save us from this hour?  No.  As a child of God you are here, in this hour, for a purpose.  “Father, glorify your name!” 

And when we do this, we zoom out a little on the map of our predestined, called out, justified lives and see that God’s given us more perspective through it, more wisdom, more discernment.  We see that He has been using us and feeding us because even though we felt next to nothing, we are rooted in Him.  By the grace we were saved by, we are also sustained.    

“Looking back You know You had to bring me through,
All that I was so afraid of,
Though I questioned the sky, now I see why.
Had to walk the rocks to see the mountain view,
Looking back I see the lead of love.”

-Caedmon’s Call, “Lead of Love”

understanding

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding… -Proverbs 3:5

For the truth is that God in his wisdom, to make and keep us humble and to teach us to walk by faith, has hidden from us almost everything that we should like to know about the providential purposes which he is working out in the churches and in our own lives. -JI Packer, Knowing God 

To think that not only might the story of some heroic person be epical but also that of any man, and that the way to Heaven is not outside the world, but through it. -Matthew Pearl, The Dante Club

Who can straighten what he has made crooked?  When times are good, be happy, but when times are bad, consider: God has made the one as well as the other.  Therefore, a man cannot discover anything about his future. -Ecclesiastes 7:13-14

Come, O Lord! -1 Cor 16:22

Christ tells his disciples that “this sickness will not end in death” in reference to Lazarus.  Though he was awakened from death, Christ said this before Lazarus died.  This leads me to believe that he was not talking about death on earth that could be avoided, as it obviously cannot.  He was speaking of death eternal, the death he’s saved us from.  I sometimes think this sickness he means is our life here, which oftentimes makes no sense.  We are crewman of a large ship, and our ears only sometimes catch the still small voice of the ship’s captain.  We are, in our sinful nature, not to know anything beyond what he allows us to as we make an effort, depending completely on God, to discern what that voice is crying out to us through the torrents of wind and rain: repent, for the kingdom of heaven is near!  “But God, what of this or that?!”  “Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is near!  Trust me, stay the course, throw off what hinders and look ahead!”   And those whose hearts are made for it hope that the kingdom is nearer everyday as things fall apart and the little that remains intact begins to show itself for what it is: a lie.  All we knew was not as it seemed and we distrust ourselves less and less as the storm barges on.  And as we distrust ourselves, our minds are renewed with the things he tells us and as we trust more and more in these things, the light begins to dawn.  Though there is rain, we endure.  Though there is wind, we stand unshaken, rooted in the truth that even if we are thrown off of the ship, broken, the only thing lying at the bottom of the sea will be the part of us that couldn’t hear the ship’s captain in the first place.  We will be with the Lord forever.  We will one day hear his voice and see the map that only the captain saw.  We will praise him, even for that.  We will understand that to the extent that we didn’t understand tragedy was the extent we didn’t understand how great His love for us truly was, for we see but a reflection as in a mirror.

Now my heart is troubled, and what shall I say? ’Father, save me from this hour’? No, it is for this very reason that I came to this hour. Father, glorify your name!  -John 12 

Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. -2 Cor 1

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=byAGDVu4sC4

Relentless Forgiveness

Christ has died once for all!  Those who are in debt for their sins respond to this one of three ways: resentment and denial/doing all one can to live up to this and pay it back to feel a sense of self-accomplishment or to put oneself on par with the Forgiver/respond in obedience and love.  The latter will feel like a raging fire at times as we carry around this death of Christ in us, taking our sins to the cross and being forgiven; when such forgiveness is comprehended, it is as hot coals thrown on our hearts.  Yes, we have separated ourselves from God and yes, blood is shed for it.  But Christ’s blood is sufficient.  On His grace we not only die, but we live and He makes us stand, unshaken, as we also carry Christ’s resurrection in us.  It is this relentless fogiveness His people respond to and it should equip us with humility, boldness, confidence in Him, love for others and contentment as we grow to know Him more and more through His Word and prayer.

Wake Up – A Call to Arms

“As God’s fellow workers we urge you not to receive God’s grace in vain. For he says, ‘In the time of my favor I heard you, and in the day of salvation I helped you.’  I tell you, now is the time of God’s favor, now is the day of salvation.” -2 COR 6: 1-2

“What I mean, brothers, is that the time is short. From now on those who have wives should live as if they had none; those who mourn, as if they did not; those who are happy, as if they were not; those who buy something, as if it were not theirs to keep; those who use the things of the world, as if not engrossed in them. For this world in its present form is passing away. -1 COR 7: 29-31

 

 Wake Up by Jon Shabaglian

 

We are living in perilous times,

when to hold to God’s truth is an uphill climb,

Stranger daily is the banner Christ raised,

and if we stand with Him we’ll be quite a blaze,

But come has the day when the broad road is wider,

and the current of life is to live for yourself,

But the trumpet’s been blown and His Word’s the divider,

So he who has ears let him hear the call

 

Wake up,

We can’t afford to shrink back,

The days around us are black,

The time is now to arise,

And set our eyes on the prize

 

We are living in perilous times,

and yet ease and comfort is our paradigm,

Can we afford such a lax way of living,

when the kingdom of Heaven is groaning to come,

But the call of the Lord has made us sole becomers,

in the battle for souls raging day after day,

So he who endures till the end is a victor,

and will honor the Savior who endured for him

 

Wake up,

We can’t afford to shrink back,

The days around us are black,

The time is now to arise,

And set our eyes on the prize

 

What is it that distinguishes you from the ever-growing masses and the set apart few?

Does the passion of your heart say I’m a Christian?

Does your fruit show you’re out or in?

See the reality is that there’s a Heaven and a Hell,

and many of our friends have chose the latter to dwell,

With the Father there is no more middle ground,

so may your heart be awakened by the trumpet sound

 

Wake up,

We can’t afford to shrink back,

The days around us are black,

The time is now to arise,

And set our eyes on the prize

 

http://www.myspace.com/jonshabaglian

 

A CALL TO ARMS

“As servants of God we commend ourselves in every way: in great endurance; in troubles, hardships and distresses; in beatings, imprisonments and riots; in hard work, sleepless nights and hunger; in purity, understanding, patience and kindness; in the Holy Spirit and in sincere love; in truthful speech and in the power of God; with weapons of righteousness in the right hand and in the left; through glory and dishonor, bad report and good report; genuine, yet regarded as impostors; known, yet regarded as unknown; dying, and yet we live on; beaten, and yet not killed; sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; poor, yet making many rich; having nothing, and yet possessing everything.” -2 COR 6: 4-10

“But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not us.  We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.  We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body.” -2 Cprinthians 4: 7-10

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses [Abraham, Noah, Moses, David, Samson, etc.], let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.  Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” -Hebrews 12: 1-3

What separates us from Gideon, from Daniel, from David?  What disadvantages do we have to use as excuses to NOT be men after God’s own heart, to want the things God wants?  We have a New Covenant, sealed by the blood of Christ, clearing our consciences, wiping our sins away that we may serve the Living God!  We complain about not being filled as we sip warm milk for sustenance.  And as we sip, we miss the feast that sits before us, offering a lifetime supply of meat, of wisdom, of salvation, of intercession, of joy!  How much longer must we wait, shriveled up in tears in the back of a prison cell, weeping about our problems that we say still rule our lives when the door is open!  Throw off all that hinders, run forth and pursue holiness- pursue God.  Seek to know Him, for He has equipped us to.  Or continue to waste time complaining, dwelling, living in shame and guilt and just wait to be cut.  Either way, we are going to die: one way is to run the race with perseverance, knowing that the death and resurrection of Christ is in us.  We will experience loss, it will be hard, but we sacrifice NOTHING as what we gain is incomparable in greatness to anything we have here.

The other way is to rot.  One way ends in Life, one in death.  We must choose.  Yes, we must depend one-hundred percent on God but YES, we must pursue Him with everything we are. Take that condemnation and turn it into conviction, for it is meant to change us, to re-route the path we’ve created and bring us back to God’s true and holy path to Him.  Take that attitude that we’ve failed and fallen short of the glory and let’s read our Word, discovering that our sins have been sacrificed with Christ and that it is now HE who is judged in our place;  we’re in luck, for He has been deemed pure, holy and set apart from sin.  He intercedes and stands in our place that we may serve God, equipped in a battle we couldn’t win on our own; not with weapons of the world, but with weapons of righteousness that have the power to demolish all that sets itself up against God.  Go out, carry this news to others, for NOTHING can stop us now.

adrift

we had lived there for what could have been months, years, perhaps decades.  we were unsure of our Names until the event.  it was sprint, hunter, architect and me.  we were, i was told afterwards, shipwrecked long before; we had been young enough to forget about any life previous to this. 

we lived on the beach, never entering the jungle, where the star was.  the star was an unknown glimmer hidden in the bushes just out of sight; it reflected the sun, often causing a glare on our beach.  explorer went to find out what it was long ago, but never came back.  we always feared that jungle, to be honest, so despite how enticing the star was to our unknowing eyes, we avoided going in there.

then it happened.  the event changed us all.  we never knew anything beyond the ocean, the beach, the jungle.  we couldn’t see anything else, though some of us had wondered if there was more.  a small spot in the distance proved those notions true.  it was a small, weathered wooden boat.  the tide pulled it further in and when it finally reached the shore, we realized that it was more than just an object— underneath it were carved initials.  they were our Names.

it sat among us for what could have been hours, days or weeks.  sprint and architect wanted to know more.  it promised something beyond us.  its very nature told us we were more than what we thought we were.  hunter, however, didn’t want anything to do with it.  to him, it was a reminder that we had been wrong all this time about the nature and purpose of our lives.  ironically, before this, we had had no purpose;  he didn’t agree.

inevitably, talk of getting in this boat and perhaps seeing what was beyond the sea began to surface.  sprint wanted to, architect began planning and i must admit, even i was leaning towards leaving.  hunter could not be convinced, however.  conflicts began to arise, the intensity of which I had never seen before.  hunter clung on with desperation to his view while sprint and architect argued back, but with reason. 

one night while we were sleeping, hunter found a way to set the boat itself on fire.  i hadn’t realized how much i agreed with sprint and architect until i woke up to the smell of those flaming cinders.  we were done.  we had seen that there was more and lost any hope of getting there.  as we wept, hunter sat away from us, seemingly bitter despite his “victory”.  he spat out reasons for what he had done and mocked us for the fools he imagined us to be.  the smoke billowed up into the morning sky, mixing with the beautiful clouds that hung above our world like spirits that knew more than we ever would. 

i remember what happened next like it was yesterday.  hunter stood up with a look of horror in his face.  then there was a loud rumbling sound.  it was terrifying at the time, for we had never heard or seen anything like what was coming for us.   far away from us, where the ocean meets the sea, where the shallows give way to the depths of what we once thought was the boundary to our world, was a giant ship.  it had seen the smoke from the burning boat.

we all smiled, except for hunter of course.  he turned back and headed for the star in the jungle.  we called to him.  sprint even tried to physically drag him back, but he said he’d rather take his chances and that he would learn so much more from the star than we ever would from leaving.  to this day, i don’t know what happened to him but i had read of an old plane crash there;  perhaps it was simply the gleam from the wreckage.  i remember how attractive i once thought that was; how little i knew and understood! 

we now know and understand.  we now remember our Names.

the desert

i was called to the Promised Land and yet I wander, lingering in a dry desert while settling for weak opiates that temporarily satisfy great desires.  what happened to get me here?  what choices changed the path to this destination set by God?  i made some adjustments to this map i was given, but they were studied and researched markers to get me to the Land faster.  after careful planning, i had learned much about my instincts and how they were to be trusted, my plans and what steps would fulfill them and my freedoms and how they would lead to happiness.  all of these were supposed to keep me entertained and alive in the desert, promising at least some happiness before knowing Joy; besides, it was going to be such a long journey.  it wasn’t prudent to follow the route He gave me, which promised some mirror of this Joy in the midst of broken rocks, dangerous valleys and towering cliffs.  there must have been some sort of mistake, for though i desire the Promised Land, it wouldn’t make sense to die trying to get there.  sure He promised something about a New Life if i died, but that’s not reasonable.  no, this path is good.  i’ll get there in one piece and the others can die trying.  i will persevere and this water will cool my parched throat.  these plants will satisfy my hunger for now.  i will make it there, for i’m a man of reason and knowledge; a man!  the echo of my acheivement will carry on throughout my life.  i will make it, for my decisions are good and trustworthy and reasonable.  and if i don’t reach the Promised Land, i will make my home here.  this place is good enough, good, better even, than the place that may not even exist.  yes, i believe that i can survive here, happy even, just existing.  
 
“Today, if you hear His voice, do not harden your hearts as you did in the rebellion, during the time of testing in the desert, where your fathers tested and tried Me and for forty years saw what I did.” -Heb3:9/Psalm 95

“By faith Abraham, when called to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going.” -Heb 11:8

Idolatry and Identity

I was reading about sin today as the projection of self, search for self, and fulfillment of self in anything but God.  This begs the question: where do I find my identity?  I want to say in Christ, but there are certain signs that sometimes say otherwise.  What do I defend in bitterness and cling to with desperation when something or someone gets in the way of my relationship to that someone/something?  What do I have that leads me to exclude others when I have it, putting myself above them because I have it?  What do I feel guilty for when I am not victorious in the standards and “rules” I’ve (or society) set in relation to money, relationships, etc.?  The more I try to rely on these as things that make me me, the more separate I become from God, thus sin is occurring.  What do I look to to achieve, and once achieved, will it bring me what I actually want: fulfillment, peace, joy, patience, love…justification?  I naturally want to be rid of that feeling of nothingness by filling in the hole that God created for Himself, with something more tangible.  Sometimes I try to fill this with religion and succeed only in extreme guilt or isolated pride.  Sometimes I try to fill it with knowledge, which puffs up rather than builds up and leaves me knowing emptiness and being wise only by my own standards.  Sometimes I try to find this in relationship and, when disappointed, I blame and punish (if not outwardly, inwardly) the other person; this is the fruit of blaming and punishing myself since my identity, to a degree, lies in them (inherently it feels that a sacrifice must be made somewhere to atone for this broken relationship).  I often feel guilty for not having enough money, but that’s because I feel that as an American church-going man, I should have it.  “Our hearts are restless until they find their rest in Thee!” exclaims St. Augustine.  You will protect that which ultimately has value in your life with all you are and be disappointed when it fails.  When something like that fails, we inherently feel the need for sacrifice… when someone gets broken up with, for example, people often run to something else, negating their own morals or feelings to mask the pain of the loss and to sacrifice something of themselves in order to justify or at least ease what just happened.  We should find the utmost value in God and we have failed Him BUT He has made the sacrifice for us and is the only One we should put our hope in. 

As I seek to have a renewed, redeemed mind in all areas of life, having Him as the ONLY One I worship is vital.  This takes a dependence on His Spirit, a trust in His ways over mine and in the promise that He is making us more and more like Him.  Lately I’m beginning to experience some of the joys and spontaneous feelings of thankfulness and awe that often seem so far away, covered over by cold reason, empty knowledge and life “experience”.  As He becomes more and more the One I place all my trust in, I find a faith and joy that can only be from outside this world; one that only be experienced by being filled with what we were made for.  Our identities must be in Him alone before all else begins to make sense.  Those things we see as an end can be used, at best, as a means to glorifying our God and knowing Him more deeply.  Our only idol must be God and our identities can only be found in He who is able, He who is good, He who is steadfast and unshakeable.

“The almost impossibly hard thing is to hand over your whole self to Christ.  But it is far easier than what we are all trying to do instead.  For what we are trying to do is remain what we call “ourselves”—our personal happiness centered on money or pleasure or ambition—and hoping, despite this, to behave honestly and chastely and humbly.  And that is exactly what Christ warned us you cannot do.  If I am a grass field—all the cutting will keep the grass less but won’t produce wheat.  If I want wheat… I must be plowed up and re-sown.”   -C.S. Lewis “Is Christianity Hard or Easy?”

“So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but what is unseen.  For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”  -2 Corinthians 4:18

Rules, Obedience and Our Futures

We were made for a kind of freedom that is set against our sinful nature. Because of this, there are rules, constraints and boundaries that feel like they hinder our desperate sinful natures but, in fact, are obstacles to overcome in order to experience what we were created for: worshiping God. The more we get caught up in religion and rules, the more it feels like we are being hindered and need a way out. We seek this way out in things that represent, for us, spontaneity, freedom, happiness; idols that appease rather than build up and infect rather than heal. These things are usually bad for us and start a slow drift from the things of God. They begin to twist within us and lead us down a path in which we end up, at best, in some form of spiritual discipline. God uses this to grow us, but wouldn’t it be easier to trust these “constraints” He sets in our hearts and meditate on His Word which is truth, trusting in those things that often make no sense to us (Heb 11:8)? He is transforming us into His likeness with ever-increasing glory (2 Cor 3:18), carrying on to completion the good work He began in us (Phil 1:6) and conforming us into the likeness of His Son (Rom 8:29), who calls us His brothers (Heb 2:11)! Like Christ, our High Priest and brother, it will sometimes take loud cries and tears, suffering and perseverance, to want to live in such a way that is obedient to God (Heb 5:7-9), but it will be a beautiful suffering and it will satisfy because it’s what we were made for. Because of this, we should look forward to our futures with joy as we follow the will of God rather than dwell in the shame that points every direction but forward, rusting the lock of the prison cells we rot in that Christ has already unlocked for us. So find freedom in the Word of God, which, though it takes work and is done against our sinful nature by conditions set in His Word, honor the reality of what we were made for.

“If you have a musical aptitude, you may give yourself to practice, practice, practice the piano for years. This is a restriction, a limit on your freedom […] What have you done? You’ve deliberately lost your freedom to engage in some things in order to release yourself to a richer kind of freedom to accomplish other things.”                                                                                                   “Disciplines and restraints, then, liberate us only when they fit with the reality of our nature and capacities.”                                                                                                                                                                                  -Timothy Keller The Reason For God (p.46)

“Those who fear the future are those who experience guilt in the present. If you are overburdened by the weight of your own sin and unfaithfulness, then you have every reason to fear the future, because the Bible promises chastening.”                                                                                                                   “[In obedience to His Word, we] can smile at the future and know the promise of God for blessing.”                                                                                                                                                                                    -John MacArthur “The Proverbs 31 Woman”

On God’s Will…

Does your hope hang on the various paths that stand before you?  Does your life seem like it depends on a decision that you just need God to give an answer to?  Are you seeking God’s unrevealed will for your life like who you’re going to marry or what job you should or shouldn’t have?  John MacArthur addresses the topic of God’s will in his sermon, Knowing and Doing God’s Will.  He asks the question: As you demand God’s unrevealed will, are you doing His revealed will?  Why would it matter which path you choose if you haven’t learned to crawl yet?  So how does one learn to crawl; what is God’s revealed will?  According to MacArthur, it’s to live saved, sanctified, Spirit-filled, suffering, submissive to authority and always saying thanks.  These are God’s commands that we do and ones that He wills but doesn’t force.  If we are doing these things, MacArthur says, we can choose whichever path we want; for our wills will align with God’s desires for us.  We will want what God’s heart wants and what His mind wants (1 Sam 2:35).  John Piper addresses acting in God’s will in a similar manner: we must live, as it says in Romans 12:1-2, with renewed minds.  If we do this, he says, we will naturally act according to God’s will as life throws curveballs at us.  He also speaks of God’s sovereign will (His will which happens no matter what we do) as something that encompasses evil, given that Christ couldn’t have died unless evil men committed evil deeds (which doesn’t make these things any less evil).  He, however, orchestrates things accordingly for the outcome of good; for the outcome of His glorification, as best seen in Christ’s death and resurrection.

So there are two types of wills which are called according to various terms.  One type cannot be changed and therefore must be accepted by us and we must trust that God will work all things out according to His good, perfect and pleasing will (even and especially when it seems difficult).  The other is what He wills for us to do and that is what we can resist (though we will be disciplined and we can respond as one who learns or as one who runs further away and dies).  This will includes knowing His Word and living by it and the results are the fruits of the Spirit and an eternity knowing God.  If you are focused on these things, the desires of God’s heart will be the desires of yours.  So should you date her?  What does God think: are you able to live purely in that relationship and put God before her and can she do the same with you?  Is that a job you should take?  Will it be a job in which you will be more conformed to the world or an opportunity to reflect the glory of your Creator who loves you and them?  Are you making these decisions from a renewed mind or one that has the things of this world in the forefront of it?  Seek daily to align your heart and mind with what God desires.  When we look ahead to the city with foundations that cannot be shaken, the city of God. then the things that hinder will become less and less important, and the things we desire will align with what honors God as we depend more on His Spirit and live in thankfulness and joy that Christ lives to intercede for us before our God.

In case I didn’t do these sermons justice…

MacArthur “Knowing and Doing God’s Will” : http://www.gty.org/Resources/Sermons/80-220

Piper “What is the Will of God and How Do We Know It?” : http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/Sermons/ByTitle/179_What_Is_the_Will_of_God_and_How_Do_We_Know_It/